My approach to this was a little more chaotic.
My roadmap looked like my old neighbor smoked some meth, snorted a line, drank a Four Loko, and then drew me a map to happiness...or Walmart. It was always really hard to figure out what that dude was talking about.
The first part of my road map was created for me when my marriage spectacularly imploded in a dusty cloud of ash. Until that moment, I was just surviving. Being in survival mode doesn't grant you the space to dream about the future. I knew I wanted out of that life but I had no clue how to make it happen. So, with no plan to escape and no dream to fulfill, I merely existed.
Existed until an act of violence created an off-ramp for me.
And I was in free fall. And my world and my home and my entire life -- the life without planning or dreaming -- ceased to exist.
Two weeks after, with bruises still healing, a coworker told me I looked happier than I'd ever looked before, and I knew that the life I had just escaped was not the life for me. I still didn't know what I wanted, but knowing what you do not want is a great start.
And so I set out, meeting people, drawing boundaries, finding more and more "do not want" items for my list. And that list grew.
But the list of what I did want grew also.
I wanted peace and reciprocity and affection.
I wanted the things that should be part and parcel of love, but never had been for me.
I wanted to stop going on first dates.
I wanted someone who I could count on making plans more than 48 hours into the future with.
I wanted a connection.
And I set out to find it.
But he found me first.
Together we set out to create a true roadmap. There were speedbumps on some of those roads. We took a few wrong turns, but we always did it together. And as we got closer to our destination, the way became clearer.
Our life now barely resembles the life we started together, except for the reciprocal love, undying respect, and utter infatuation with one another. I didn't know what I wanted, didn't dare to dream, but now I know this is the life I was destined for all along.
The road from beaten and homeless to safe and loved beyond measure is traversable.
It's alright if you're in a place where you cannot dare to dream right now; start with a list of what you can no longer settle for and allow that to guide you.
If you are in crisis, please contact the U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline via phone (1-800-799-SAFE), chat (TheHotline.org), or text (START to 88788), or contact 911 if it is safe to do so.
Check your local area for crisis centers, and do everything you can to ensure your safety as you make plans to get away. Have a trusted friend or family member with you every step.